No one is afraid of losing me. No one.
It is a given fact and it has been proven a million times each by different person.
And each time, it hurts more and more.
I don’t understand. After all of this, why have I not grown a colder heart?
Why do I still feel all this pain?
I’m still weak. I’m still emotionally fragile.
I’m so fucking soft. I get hurt all the time.
Why am I like this? Why is my heart so sensitive?
These people! These people I loved!
They come and go as they please once they are done with me.
I can’t do anything to stop them.
After all, they have nothing to lose.
My soul bleeds. Every time.
I want to be happy everyday. It’s a dream I’ve always wished for.
But I did, for only a couple of days.
She called me “mine”.
But she was like a shooting star.
She was gone as fast as I knew her.
She took a piece in my heart then left.
Like she was never there.
These monsters. Why are they doing this?
What have I done to deserve this?
I am already dead inside. I’ve always begged them not to kill me more.
Why me? Why build me up?
Why make me confident about myself?
Why would you tell me things so beautiful, so passionate?
Why would you tell me you “love” me and then just leave?
All this. All these these things —
just to make me reach the peak of my happiness.
And at the very top, you turn your back against me.
You abandon me!
Like what all of them did!
You’re no better than the rest of them!
I did everything right, but I still failed.
How much of a fuck-up could I be?
All the life I gave up just to feel alive.
All the love I gave away —
yet those never found their way back to me.
Why can’t they do the same for me?
I loved with all my heart.
I loved blindly.
I loved with passion.
I loved with everything I had.
I sacrificed so much.
But I guess I have learned it the hard way:
Love is not meant for me.
I just wanted to be happy.
What did I ever do to deserve all this?