Life. It is unfair.
One cannot expect perfection.
One like me:

For what was once so dark and empty,
Has finally seen light.
Has finally felt love.

The heart I thought was cold and barren
The heart I heavily guarded all my life
I made certain no one would love me
I was convinced no one could enter:

Yet she simply walked in and grabbed my heart
Now I have to confront the trials of love.

Take a leap of faith”  they say

It’s difficult and crazy.
But they also say that:

People do crazy things when they’re in love

My fear is not giving in and falling in love.
My fear is not being caught when I fall.
It’s all madness. But I will take my leap anyways.

Call this crazy. But crazy as it may seem.
It is magical.

It was like I have known her my whole life.
She randomly appeared in my life out of nowhere,
as I did to hers.
She quickly found a place in my heart — quicker than anyone who had.
I knew it, from that very moment we heard each other’s voice,
that it was the start of something so wonderful.

Small talks turned to deep ones.
Small feelings turned to strong emotions.
Small connections turned to attachments. 

Amidst all these happy moments, there are downsides.

We hated goodbyes. Time difference plays a huge factor.
For someone who lives in the opposite side of the world,
sacrifices are always made for each other.
We do that, right?
We sacrifice time, a huge part of it.
We yearn to be by their sides everyday.
We want to hear their voice in real life.
We do our best to be there for them, at all costs.
This is normal. We are human beings after all.

Me? I want to do everything. Every single thing.
It is not simple. It’s very difficult.
Like French people say:

C’est la vie

Life is unfair.
Like I said, I am in love with a girl unicorn, who is worlds apart.
Twelve thousand miles to be exact.
I promised myself if I cannot be there for her physically ,
then I will do my best to be there emotionally.

I give up time.
I trade sleep. 
I overthink. 
And this one, is not normal. It’s a stupid thing called “devotion“.

But I’m not sad because of this.
The smallest things I do that makes her smile means a lot.
The smile or laugh she makes when I say a stupid joke or mock her makes me happy.
It’s like I sleep well knowing that, although she’s on the other side of the world,
she’s happy.
And that’s good enough.

I cannot feel her. 
I cannot touch her.
I cannot give her the smallest kisses.
I cannot embrace her and feel her heart beating.

There’s a downside to everything.
Life is just as unfair as it is to it being unkind.

Everyday, I wake up telling myself , “So this is what being in love feels like
But in the back of my head, I know I’m in denial.
Though it may be love, it’s a total nightmare to be so far way.
I ought to wake up from it.
This is all a dream.”, I keep telling myself.
A product of all the late night calls we had.
Maybe I will wake up one day. Beside her.
Beside her, where everything is quiet and only
the sound of our heartbeat and breathing could be heard.
Such a dreamer, I am!

If I have to wait months or years for this, then I will wait. 
I know all this waiting will be worth it when we meet.


 

God, she is beautiful.
She sees me. All my life I thought I was invisible to anyone.
She sees me and chose not to turn her back and run. 
She accepted me.

I have not met anyone like her.
Apart from being extremely musically talented,
she also has a loving heart and the cutest voice.
I could listen to her all day long.
Her laugh, oh, how it brings me joy.
She’s very funny too.
She’s not very fond of fruits though. Ahaha

I have found my double.
She made me see my worth.
She made me feel like I was important and special,
not even my closest friends could do the same.

She told me she isn’t perfect.

Well.

The truth is, no one is perfect, dear Ludivine. 🙂
Everyone has faults. Even I. 
But you don’t have to change yourself because
you are too beautiful in your own special way.
You’re so kind and loving. You’re pretty.
You’re trop mignone.
Not with these words in my head could write how 
beautiful and amazing you are. 
You are everything else I any man could ever ask for.
You may have the faults you say you have but,
these are just very small things to something so wonderful.

So, Ludi, tell me all the terrible things you are — and let me love you anyway.

 

 

 

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